The Mythical Double Charge

Can't argue with Benny... no excuse for Smoove not scoring a single fourth quarter point last night.  Guy was the only one who showed up though, putting up 36, 7 and 7.  If the Thunder don't have enough firepower to win when he puts up a line like that, its only a matter of time before they end up Kobe'd.  Oh and that guy who OKC got in the Harden deal?  2 points last night on 1/10 from the field.  Awesome.  Am I the only one who thinks the Rockets are a much better team with Patrick Beverley (burn in hell) at point than Jeremy Lin?  The curse of Jeremiah lives on.  First he injures Russ Russ then he injures Lin so he gives way to the superior player.

I'm also not going to make any comments on Scotty's ridiculous HackAsik strategy.  I guess if nothing else is working, you might as well try to pull a bunny out of your top hat.  yaknowwhatimean?

We did get to see an occurrence that prior to last night was thought to share the same real estate as the Loch Ness Monster, Bigfoot, Ben Wallace's offensive game and Marty's self control; the vaunted double flop.

I never thought the day would come when I would doubt Doug Collins

In one of the most atrocious games I can ever remember any one team playing, the Sixers were beaten handily by the hapless Orlando Magic last night 98-84.  This is the same Orlando Magic team whose best players are Glen Davis and Jameer Nelson.  GLEN DAVIS and JAMEER NELSON are the best players on the Magic and the Sixers still found a way to lose.  Wait... it gets worse.  Comically worse.

Glen Davis and Jameer Nelson did not even PLAY last night.  The game was IN South Philly.  Nic Vucevic, one of the guys who the Sixers traded to get Andrew Bynum and Jason Richardson, out rebounded Spencer Hawes and Levoy Allen by 14 rebounds.  14!!!!  He had 19 boards to Spence's 1 and Levoy's whopping, 4.  Did I mention that the guys we got in that trade are going to end the 2013 season playing a total of 33 games?  Wait... it gets worse.

After the game, the lovable Doug Collins decided to tie his team to the proverbial tracks and drive his locomotive full of blame back and forth over them for 12 minutes.  (Click here for full presser.  If you actually watch the video, check out DC's rapey smirks after his insults.  Made me feel like grandpa was watching me change my Underoos.)  Literally did not take an once of blame until almost 10 minutes into the presser.  Just crying, doing the old whole whoa is me routine.

Doug, we get it.  We get that you are coaching a team that is so bad they thought signing Kwame Brown preseason would be a phenomenal idea.  We get that you're senile (first comment below).  We get that you're pissed off you haven't achieved an erection without chemicals in years.  We get that you are dealing with a bunch of shitty injuries and the team you are coaching is not the same team you thought you would be coaching before this season started.  THIS IS WHAT YOU'RE PAID FOR.  You're paid to deal with all this shit and make it work.  You're paid to put a product on the floor that will at least LOOK interested in being there.  Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying you should be putting a playoff team on the floor right now with the guys you have.  Not even the Zen Master could do that.  All I'm saying is it's your job to put a team on the floor that will at least COMPETE, especially in a home game against a team that had only won 15 games before last night.  A team that had only won 6 games on the road all year and was in the midst of a 10 game road losing streak.  You owe that to the fans in Philadelphia.  This rant was not endearing.  It did not deflect blame.  It did not embody your city.  It made you sound like a kiss ass and it put the wheels in motion to send your wrinkled balls out to some retirement village in Arizona, far far away from our Sixers.

As Kemp put it to me last night, it's time for the ping pong balls.  (Don't be scared.  Go ahead.  Click on it.)  I'd like to say this is rock bottom.  I really would, but the remaining Sixers schedule is brutal culminating with 12 of their final 16 games on the road.  At this point, a top 5 pick is more likely than the playoffs.

My last comment would be to the Sixers' ownership group.  You knew what you were trading for and still decided to make that person the center of a massive advertising campaign.  How's that working out for you now, dumb-asses?  You've driven the once jovial, Doug Collins, to become a conniving little squid who only cares about saving face.

Some of the highlights are below.



"If everybody looked inside themselves as much as I do, this world would be a CAT scan.  Okay?  I mean, believe me.  I have.. there's not 2 days go by that I don't go to Rod, I don't go to Tony, 'What can I do? Can I do anything different? How can I be a better coach? How can I be a better leader? How can I help these guys?'  Sometimes you gotta help yourself.  You know? Sometimes you gotta help yourself.  Youth is a very blaming thing."

"Why are you booing me?  I'm the coach"

Asked about leaders on the team "We have players that have capabilities... Take ownership."

Guys feeling held hostage by Bynum situation.  "Is he playing?  Isn't he playing?"

"I'm not a blamer."

"I have not found an answer and I'm paid to do that."

Throwback Thursday with Chuck

Since social media loves throwback Thursday, I'm going to start loving throwback Thursday, too.  Below is a video from 2008 of Ernie clownin' on Chuck.  What a joker!

Presti Puts Curse on Harden

Last night marked the return of Smooth J to OKC and a reunion with K. Smoove, Russ Russ and Poppa Perk.  The gang was officially back together and a post game rendevous with Kate Upton produced familiar results.

Something unfamiliar to Smooth J was Presti's use of voodoo magic.  That fuck put some kind of curse on Smooth J and Jeremiah that caused him to go 3-16 from the field and only end up with 17 points.  The curse also inhibited James' ability to get off shots as illustrated below.

PS K. Smoove ended up with a monster 37, 7, 4 line that made the queen weep.

Adios, Mike Brown

Kobe once again proving he will go down as a better all time player/bastard than Lebron.  Lebron tried to get Mike Brown fired after the 2009 season.  He couldn't, so he left instead.  Leaving LA never crossed Kobe's mind (the white girls there are ready and willing) so Kobe got Mike Brown fired after just 5 games (!!!).  The last place Lakers (1-4) are rumored to be interested in bringing back the Zen Master or going with Brian Shaw (Bryant's choice when Mike Brown was hired but Jim Buss ignored the request so I doubt he will go back to him now, remember, GM's are the smartest guys in the room).

Here's Kobe's fake-ass reaction.