Thursday, November 29, 2012

Pop "Spur"ns the Heat

Gregg Popovich decided to let Too-Tall Timmy, Manu Ginobli, The Horny Frog, and Danny Green hit da club tonight instead of getting their monkey asses whooped by Bosh Spice & Lebron. David Stern decided to pitch a hissy fit over. Let's see what Stephen A. has to say about it:

Popovich also shut down Craig Sager in the post-game interview. Nothing Pop loves more than clowning on reporters (even Chuck), especially Sager:

Presti Puts Curse on Harden

Last night marked the return of Smooth J to OKC and a reunion with K. Smoove, Russ Russ and Poppa Perk.  The gang was officially back together and a post game rendevous with Kate Upton produced familiar results.

Something unfamiliar to Smooth J was Presti's use of voodoo magic.  That fuck put some kind of curse on Smooth J and Jeremiah that caused him to go 3-16 from the field and only end up with 17 points.  The curse also inhibited James' ability to get off shots as illustrated below.

PS K. Smoove ended up with a monster 37, 7, 4 line that made the queen weep.

Oh shit (Part 2)

My new favorite NBA trend:

Fake Tough Guys

Wednesday, November 28, 2012

Dwight Howard Loses Shooting Contest to Hockey Mascot

I just don't get it.  You make $20 million a year and you can't make a god damn free throw.  It drives me bonkers.  Surprisingly, Howard going 3-12 from the line in LA's loss to the hapless Pacers last night by 2 points was not his worst shooting performance of the day.  No, that was losing a shooting contest (video at bottom of page) to Bailey, the mascot of the LA Kings, a HOCKEY team.  Dude was draining shots with an over-sized lion's head on!  You seriously can't beat a mascot in a shooting contest?  Of course being the huge squid that he is, Howard used the old "I let him win" excuse when asked for reaction by reporters post contest.

Passion For Fashion: MJ Likes His Cargos

Michael Jordan, star of the silver screen, has reportedly been banned from a golf course in Miami Beach for fashion reasons. Like you, my first thought was that D. Wade had him kicked out for wearing Jordans instead of Wades, but this was not the case. Instead, MJ was wearing one of the most functional clothing items of all time, cargo pants. Apparently this was unacceptable at the course, and even after being asked to change, Jordan refused and finished his round (I can only imagine how awesome that conversation was). While he will not be invited back to La Gorce Country Club, he will certainly be welcome up in da club everywhere else in South Beach. But seriously, La Gorce, I think we can all agree that it definitely could have been worse:

WTF: Referee Edition

Check out Joey Crawford making a horrible call and then doing his thang:

Monday, November 26, 2012

11/26 Notes

-The Thunder beat Charlotte 114-69, outscoring them 36-12 in the second quarter. Russ-Russ threw down a thunderdunk, while K-Smooth was seen taking a stack of large bills from Michael Jordan after the game, and placing them in his backpack.

 -Melo had 35 and 13, but it wasn't enough for the Knicks, who fell 96-89 to the Nets in HOVAtime. D-Will had 16 points and 14 assists.
-Boris Diaw (and his man boobs) put up 16 to lead the Spurs to a 118-92 win over the Wizards. The Wizards have yet to win a game this year.
-The Bulls blew a 27 point lead in the 3rd to fall 93-92 to the Bucks. The Bucks were lead by Ersan Ilyasova and Mike Dunleavy. The Mask scored 30, but missed a buzzer beater for the win. He was immediately docked 300 "clutch" points, and Robert Horry popped some champagne.
-The Hornets beat the Clips 105-98, without the Brow, who missed his fifth straight game. When can we start the Oden talk?

The Exorcism of DeAndre Jordan

This is a video from last season that I never saw.  Not sure how the hell I missed it...  DeAndre Jordan is releasing weekly hits at this point.  Really lives by the constant content credo. 

He looks just like the NBA stars in that one movie with Michael Jordan, Bill Murray and Bugs Bunny when they lose their talent.  Not sure why the Monstars would pick DeAndre Jordan though...

Get Out of Kenny's House

I imagine a conversation with Kenneth Faried going something like this:

Me: "Hey Ken, big fan.  You're killing it for my fantasy team this year."
Kenny: "Kenneth dunk ball."
Me: (puzzled) "Yeah... you're quite the athlete, man."
Kenny: "Kenneth get rebound."
Me: "Are you okay?"
Kenny: "Kenneth run fast."
Me: (shakes head and walks away)

Quite the athlete, though.

Manu Channels Jamal Crawford

The middle aged, Manu Ginobili, did his best Jamal Crawford impersonation (on the all time ugly, DeDe) on Sunday night to significantly less fanfare than Crawford.  I was honestly more impressed with Manu because of his tight roping abilities.

Oh shit

Sunday, November 25, 2012

Harrison Barnes Wakes Up Da Club

Holy shit.  Dunk of the year candidate here.  Harrison Barnes baptizing Nikola Pekovic, his wife, his mistress, his first born, his dog, his 2 cats, his oldest daughter's hamster and his best friend on this dunk.

The Golden State bench went a level of apeshit not scene since DeAndre Jordan's WTF! reaction to Jamal Crawford's meg.

Trying not to be outdone, the brown sugar ginger threw down a megadunk on Zaza Pachulia that made Jrue Holiday blush in Philadelphia.

Once again, the main theme of these videos?  Average, European centers playing the role of doofus in posters that in short time will be hanging on the walls of 10 year olds all over the country.

Wednesday, November 21, 2012

This is why ESPN is stupid.

This is why ESPN is fucking stupid sometimes.  Look at the headline and then look at the first quarter score to this game.  Just looking for a story.  Gotta get them page views up.  The Thunder are on pace to score 112 points yet the headline says they're struggling on offense... hm....

Free Throw Shenanigans

Two funny free throw moments from last night... first is 'Sheed doing 'Sheed.  At the :30 mark of the video below you can hear him yelling his catch phrase "Ball don't lie!"

Also, please note Jason Kidd in the background.  His headband looks absolutely ridiculous.  I know he is wearing it like that to cover a gash that required 8 stitches to close, but he looks like a homeless person.  Side note: His kid is uglier than sin.

The next is Dwight Howard being a big fucking dumbass.  Wipe that goofy grin off your face dude, you just air balled the easiest shot in basketball.  I will never understand how professional basketball players cannot make free throws.  Dwight went 7-19 last night from the line.

If I was one of Dwight Howard's teammates and was a lot bigger than I am, I would slap that stupid smile off of his face.  Those 12 misses could've easily cost the Lakers the game.

C'mon Kobe.  Live up to your MO from this year and clown this loser.

Monday, November 19, 2012

How Convenient, Dan Gilbert

A night after having his worst display of the season, posting 9 points on 4-14 shooting with 5 TOs in a loss to Jrue and the Sixers, the Cavs announced Kyrie Irving will be out for a month with a broken finger.  Apparently he sustained the injury against Dallas on Saturday, thinking it was only a bruise before playing the Sixers.

Anybody with half a brain can see through the PR spin on this one - Kyrie doesn't think Jrue is worth shit and thought he could outplay him on 9 fingers.  A few absurd ankle-breaking dribbles aside, Kyrie was thoroughly outplayed by the PG on the rise in South Philadelphia (14 & 9, with only 2 TOs(!)).

Conspiracy theories aside, I hope Uncle Drew is back soon.  One of my favorite players to watch, and you could tell something wasn't right last night; he had an all-around awful game, and you don't see that from him.  Time to take the reigns, Varejao!

Happy 8 Year Annivsersary, Malice at the Palace

No caption necessary...

Thanks, Blackface Logan, for the reminder.

What A Dumbass

Lob City Living Up to the Nickname

As much as I hate self imposed nicknames and as dumb as I think Blake Griffin is, he nailed the nickname here.  Chris Paul's passing blow my mind consistently.  The perfect touch pass to DeAndre Jordan while on the run was a thing of beauty.

The Clippers look like they're going to contend this year but we'll know for sure come Saturday (at Spurs, at Thunder, at Nets, at Hawks).  If they can go 3-1, I'll completely buy in, but I'd imagine they'd consider a 2-2 road trip a success.

Bogans Does His Best Rajon Rondo Impression

Keith Bogans of the Brooklyn Nets couldn't let Rondo have all the fun. Here he is trying to decapitate Rajon's teammate, Leandro Barbosa, similarly to Rondo's attempt on D. Wade earlier in the year.  Difference here is Leandro did not start crying as soon as he was fouled.

Friday, November 16, 2012

Lebron Snubs Ben Savage on Handshake

LeBron snubbed Cory Matthews after he attempted to get some post game love on Thursday night in Denver.  Miami ended up beating Denver 98-93 on the back of a monster 27, 7 and 12 night from The Queen.

Lebron better watch out... Shawn Hunter is liable to track him down and beat his ass.

Gordon Hayward(?!?) Over KG

Gordy don't give a shit about your distractions.

Nate Robinson's Biggest News Since Jumping Over Dwight

Nate Robinson is back in the news for doing something only a little person (we're super PC here in da club) could do.

Side note: The dunk contests that he won in '09 and '10 did absolutely nothing for me.  I know for a guy that is 5' nothing, the dunks were impressive, but I would rather see Jason Richardson dunking all seven days of the week and twice on Sunday.

Thursday, November 15, 2012

"Got 'Em" with Deandre Jordan

Poppa Perk v. Z-Bo

So last night the surprising Memphis Grizzlies handled the OKC Thunder even as K. Smoove went for his season high in points.  The highlight of the game came with 2:09 left when Z-Bo told Poppa Perk he was going to "beat his ass" (0:06 in the video below) and both were ejected.

I don't know why Poppa Perk is trying to sabotage my fantasy team.  Maybe he is still upset at my constant ragging of Russ Russ, maybe he is still emotionally distraught about the loss of Smooth J and Jeremiah, but there is no reason to bait Z-Bo, my double double machine, into threatening to beat his ass.  It's just not right, Perk.  Why would you do that to me?  I loved you, man.  If the DeMarcus Cousins off court altercation set any kind of precedent, I'll be losing by boi, Z-Bo, for a couple games at the end of the week.  Granted, Cousins has a history of stupidity and his confrontation was not with a player, rather an announcer, but I'd still imagine Dictator Stern will react swiftly and harshly.

The ejections led to a (alleged) square off outside of the teams locker rooms that Z-Bo commented on after the game.

Update: As I earlier hypothesized, it was Poppa Perk who baited Z-Bo into the "I'll beat your ass" comment with his preceding comment, "I'll meet you by the bus".


Maybe you should have taken the night off after all, Wade. 

Wednesday, November 14, 2012



More 'Sheed Please

Listen to Rasheed Wallace call Arron Afflalo "Aflac" after he misses this free-throw:

Is 'Sheed simply clowning on his name or is it his way of saying "I don't even know who you are?" I'm going to choose to believe the latter. What we do know for sure is that Roscoe is one of the game's all-time great trash-talkers.

Imaginary Daps

I think Young James misses Smoov and Russ-Russ...

Mavin Williams Baptizes Jonas Valanciunas

I know this is a day late, but the NBA's favorite new whipping boy, Jonas Valanciunas, is back at it again.  Dude just loves being dunked on.

Tuesday, November 13, 2012

You know what would've helped the Sixers last night? Andrew Bynum.

Got to another Sixers game last night at home against the Bucks.  Despite a valiant 24-9 run to tie the game at 82 at end the third quarter, the Sixers looked lost.  One of the worst defensive performances by a Doug Collins' coached team that I have ever seen.  I shutter when I say it about a Philadelphia sports team, but at times the Sixers looked... well, soft.  Now don't get it completely twisted.  I realize the Sixers were in a tough spot last night after winning 3 straight on the road and coming home to a game that they were "supposed" to win, but I still expect them to keep the Bucks under 100 points at home.

Now to elaborate on my "soft" comment.  Brandon Jennings went bananas.  Put up 33 points (not to mention 8 assists and 4 steals) and was slicing through the lane with the ease of a knife through warm butter.  Not one time did any of the Sixer big men (or any other Sixer for that matter) think of laying a hard foul on the little guy (he literally looked like a 12 year old when compared to the other guys on the court).  Does not make any sense.  Put the guy on his ass and he is going to be thinking of that the next time he tries to drive the lane.  Karl Malone would have never let that happen.  Shaq would've never let that happen.  But the Sixers let it happen time and time again.  I realize the culture in professional sports has changed across the board with every league emphasizing player safety, but all I am asking for here is a hard foul.  You know who would be the perfect man for the job?  Andrew Bynum.

I know this is an extreme case, but I am just trying to make a point.  The Sixers need Bynum in the lineup and they needed him yesterday.  He'll provide the big man presence they need on defense, and although this post has not focused at all on the offensive end, he'll provide an inside game the likes of which the Sixers haven't seen since Dr. J.  This will give the Sixers the unique ability to play a half court style when he is on the floor and a fast past, run and gun style when he is on the bench.  That is going to prove a very difficult task for teams to game plan for defensively because the two styles of play are such polar opposites.

I'd be remiss not to mention Jrue's line of 25 points and 6 assists on 10-18 from the field.  He has been nothing short of magnificent on the offensive end to start the year; now he just needs to cut down on his 6 turnovers per game average.


Suck it, Harden.  Also, nice shot Lin. 

Monday, November 12, 2012

What's up with Bynum?

After Bob Cooney laid into the Sixers management on Saturday, the team released a statement today saying Bynum will be out another month until Dec 10, when he will then be able to resume light drills.  Mixing that with the conditioning he'll need to get into game shape, Bynum needs anywhere from 1-4 weeks after Dec 10 before he can play, assuming all goes well.

And that "assuming all goes well" is the real kicker, because nothing has really gone well so far with Bynum.  Like every other Sixers fan, I was really excited when I learned of the trade.  Suddenly they have the best big man in the conference, while gaining some room for Jrue and ETurner to handle the ball and mature, and become as good as we all hope they can be.  That part is at least going well.  But the closest we've seen to Bynum playing was pregame intros in the home opener, where he came out to a standing ovation, only to go back down the tunnel right afterwards.  Management has been extremely coy on his situation as well.  Maybe it's because they don't want to say anything too premature to such a fickle fan base.  Maybe they're giving Bynum time to grow his hair until he looks like Dr J

But most likely, they remained vague so they could sell some tickets.  There's no better way to damper enthusiasm and hurt ticket sales than saying the injury-prone, All Star center you just broke up a fairly successful, if stagnant, team for, is already injured.  And ya know what?  That really sucks.  This new management group has actually been awesome so far in my opinion.  But no amount of dollar dog nights, 100-tshirt firing guns and cheap tickets will make up for refusing to tell anyone your new player, and hopeful franchise cornerstone, is injured way worse than you thought.  This team isn't going anywhere without Bynum, and I appreciate them being cautious - it's the right attitude to have for sure.  But just tell us.  Because when you don't, everyone assumes the worst

Magic Had Mike Brown Fired

Hey Earvin, haven't you ever heard the phrase, "the one who smelt it, dealt it"?