BREAKING NEWS: Mr. T suing Russ Russ for allegedly stealing "look"

Sources inside the OKC locker room are reporting heavy tension between OKC's two stars due to an unneeded distraction caused by Russ Russ's fashion statement following last night's 120-91 piping of former teammates Smooth J and Jeremiah.

Donning a stylish turtleneck/cut off sweater combo, some clear framed and of course lens-less glasses and a thick gold chain, Russ Russ took the podium last night to discuss his near triple-double (19-8-10) while debuting what we can all expect when it comes to his playoff fashion for 2013.

 

The whole look appeared to pay homage to Mr. T, but when reached for comment, Mr. T only had this to say, "I have spoken to Kevin about [Russell's fashion] and it will not happen again."


After further investigative reporting by the team here at Club Bosh, we have confirmed that K Smooth and Mr. T have a close relationship and Russ Russ did not reach out to Mr. T for permission prior to taking to the presser sporting his patented look.  Sources have confirmed that even before Russ Russ emerged from the locker room, K Smooth requested that he change his outfit for fear of conflict with Mr. T, but Russ Russ refused.

Story developing...

(UPDATE: Sources close to the Club have also confirmed that the "friend" who suggested K Smooth's "kill 'em and pray for 'em" gesture was actually Mr. T.  Club Bosh doing ya once again.)

Introducing the 2013 Edition of Chuck's Lucky Ducks

(click to enlarge)

Introducing your 2013 All-Star team as established by Charles Barkley himself.

In the West's Frontcourt: K. Smooth, Serge Ibaka and Z-Bo.  The West's Guards: The Black Mamba and Smooth J and Jeremiah.

In the East's Frontcourt: Melo, The Queen and Anderson Varejao.  The East's Guards: Jrue and Raging Rajon.

I'll list my omissions in order.

I had more trouble with the West's Frontcourt group than anywhere else.  Notable omissions to this group: Kevin Love (has been hurt, but one of my favorite players, Milk Chocolate) and Blake Griffin (he can fly!! and gave this up).  The West's guard omissions were Steph Curry (finally healthy) , Chris Paul (no links, he's a bitch) and OJ Mayo (having a career season).

In the East's Frontcourt, the only person I had trouble leaving out was Joakim Noah because I like keeping Wentz happy.  The East's guard omissions were Uncle Drew (seriously!?) and Brandon Jennings (playing for a contract).

I posted the current results to the voting below.  It is an absolute JOKE that fucking D. Wade has almost 600,000 more votes than Jrue Holiday.  It makes me want to sit on a thumbtack actually.  Jrue is playing 38 minutes per game with career highs in points, assists and 3 point % at 18.1, 8.8 and 35.5.  Couple that with 1.3 steals per and 4 boards while shooting 45% from the field and it is a crime against humanity that he isn't going to be making his first all-star appearance.

In the West, Dwight Howard has no business even sniffing at a chance for Houston based on this season and if you disagree, you're a moron.

Current totals according to NBA.com:

2013 NBA ALL-STAR BALLOTING PRESENTED BY SPRINT EASTERN CONFERENCE
Frontcourt: LeBron James (Mia) 970,314; Carmelo Anthony (NYK) 891,759; Kevin Garnett (Bos) 328,716; Chris Bosh (Mia) 308,194; Tyson Chandler (NYK) 260,000; Paul Pierce (Bos) 171,601; Joakim Noah (Chi) 129,331; Josh Smith (Atl) 111,260; Anderson Varejao (Cle) 99,955; Amar'e Stoudemire (NYK) 90,996; Shane Battier (Mia) 88,800; Andrew Bynum (Phi) 84,939; Luol Deng (Chi) 76,400; Brook Lopez (BKN) 67,991; Jeff Green (Bos) 52,785.
Backcourt: Dwyane Wade (Mia) 645,875; Rajon Rondo (Bos) 574,272; Deron Williams (BKN) 309,778; Kyrie Irving (Cle) 258,193; Ray Allen (Mia) 195,142; Monta Ellis (Mil) 71,287; Raymond Felton (NYK) 66,745; Jrue Holiday (Phi) 56,683; Jason Terry (Bos) 52,833; Brandon Jennings (Mil) 49,122.
2013 NBA ALL-STAR BALLOTING PRESENTED BY SPRINT WESTERN CONFERENCE
Frontcourt: Kevin Durant (OKC) 924,898; Dwight Howard (LAL) 616,150; Blake Griffin (LAC) 489,795; Tim Duncan (SA) 299,434; Pau Gasol (LAL) 197,377; Kevin Love (Min) 189,949; Omer Asik (Hou) 131,002; Rudy Gay (Mem) 125,562; Serge Ibaka (OKC) 111,963; Marc Gasol (Mem) 99,271; Zach Randolph (Mem) 97,778; LaMarcus Aldridge (Por) 97,090; Dirk Nowitzki (Dal) 93,491; Metta World Peace (LAL) 85,279; Chandler Parsons (Hou) 78,235.
Backcourt: Kobe Bryant (LAL) 977,444; Chris Paul (LAC) 542,564; Jeremy Lin (Hou) 496,133; James Harden (Hou) 283,691; Russell Westbrook (OKC) 232,074; Steve Nash (LAL) 166,262; Tony Parker (SA) 111,032; Ricky Rubio (Min) 96,466; Stephen Curry (GS) 78,380; Manu Ginobili (SA) 70,813.

Presti Puts Curse on Harden

Last night marked the return of Smooth J to OKC and a reunion with K. Smoove, Russ Russ and Poppa Perk.  The gang was officially back together and a post game rendevous with Kate Upton produced familiar results.

Something unfamiliar to Smooth J was Presti's use of voodoo magic.  That fuck put some kind of curse on Smooth J and Jeremiah that caused him to go 3-16 from the field and only end up with 17 points.  The curse also inhibited James' ability to get off shots as illustrated below.

PS K. Smoove ended up with a monster 37, 7, 4 line that made the queen weep.

Jeremiah Got His White Woman

Did he ever...

14-25 from the field, 4-10 from 3, 37 points, 12 assists, 6 rebounds, 4 steals and a block in 44 minutes plus an $80 million, 5 year extension.  Are you kidding me?  Talk about having a good day.

Guaranteed Presti is walking around telling everyone "It was the fucking Pistons" and not giving Smooth J and Jeremiah one once of credit.  These execs always have to be the smartest guy in the room...

After the game Harden was quoted as saying the Houston offense allows him much more freedom than the OKC offense had... no shit, you ARE the offense in Houston, J.

Presti is going to look like a real Mark Cuban circa 2004 if Smooth J and Jeremiah keep this up.  Should've just given the beard his white woman...

BronBrons thoughts on the Harden trade

Pappa Perk gonna be getting that one in his grill all Finals (if the Thunder can even get there again now).



In unrelated news, GERALD GREEN WHAT'S GOOD

Jeremiah is FUCKED UP, Smooth J to the Rockets

Sam Presti would not agree to give Jeremiah his white woman.  I hope Jeremiah is happy.  He and Smooth J are now headed to the mecca of Houston to play alongside Jeremy Lin's sizable IQ, small member and lack of athleticism.  Presti could've done worse... Kevin Martin, Jeremy Lamb, 2 first rounders and a second rounder.  My emotions are running circles around me.  For now, I leave you with the beauty below... when I compose myself, I'll be back for more.

Can only imagine what Poppa Perk is like right now...

Smooth J and the Contract Caper

Time to address the elephant in the room, Smooth J's expiring contract.  The Thunder and Super GM, Sam Presti, have until October 31 to sign Smooth J to a contract extension or he's destined to become a restricted free agent on July 1.  The implication here is if Harden gets to free agency on July 1, he will receive multiple max offers (4 years, $60mil) which the Thunder will not be able to match.  In interviews leading up to this year, Harden has stated that he is willing to "sacrifice" to keep the Thunder's Big Three intact, just like Westbrook did before the beginning of last year and Durant prior to that.  What the Thunder have is special.  Never in the history of the league has a team been so good and so young at the same time.  It would be a shame if J can't see that.

According to our sources close the situation, the major hold up on getting a deal hashed out is not Smooth J himself, but his beard, Jeremiah.  After all the attention Jeremiah has received over the last 3 years, he has become a full blown diva.  Demanding a cut of the profits on any beard related sales (in addition to Smooth J's cut), his own personal assistant, his own seat on the bus and even his own white woman, Jeremiah has become the Elton John of basketball; high demands but not much production when the lights turn on.

For now, we all wait with bated breath to see if Smooth J, Jeremiah and Presti can work a miracle.  Smooth J would never leave on his own (too scared of Poppa Perk), but with the influence of the power hungry, Jeremiah, no one can say for sure how this saga will end.