Introducing the 2013 Edition of Chuck's Lucky Ducks

(click to enlarge)

Introducing your 2013 All-Star team as established by Charles Barkley himself.

In the West's Frontcourt: K. Smooth, Serge Ibaka and Z-Bo.  The West's Guards: The Black Mamba and Smooth J and Jeremiah.

In the East's Frontcourt: Melo, The Queen and Anderson Varejao.  The East's Guards: Jrue and Raging Rajon.

I'll list my omissions in order.

I had more trouble with the West's Frontcourt group than anywhere else.  Notable omissions to this group: Kevin Love (has been hurt, but one of my favorite players, Milk Chocolate) and Blake Griffin (he can fly!! and gave this up).  The West's guard omissions were Steph Curry (finally healthy) , Chris Paul (no links, he's a bitch) and OJ Mayo (having a career season).

In the East's Frontcourt, the only person I had trouble leaving out was Joakim Noah because I like keeping Wentz happy.  The East's guard omissions were Uncle Drew (seriously!?) and Brandon Jennings (playing for a contract).

I posted the current results to the voting below.  It is an absolute JOKE that fucking D. Wade has almost 600,000 more votes than Jrue Holiday.  It makes me want to sit on a thumbtack actually.  Jrue is playing 38 minutes per game with career highs in points, assists and 3 point % at 18.1, 8.8 and 35.5.  Couple that with 1.3 steals per and 4 boards while shooting 45% from the field and it is a crime against humanity that he isn't going to be making his first all-star appearance.

In the West, Dwight Howard has no business even sniffing at a chance for Houston based on this season and if you disagree, you're a moron.

Current totals according to NBA.com:

2013 NBA ALL-STAR BALLOTING PRESENTED BY SPRINT EASTERN CONFERENCE
Frontcourt: LeBron James (Mia) 970,314; Carmelo Anthony (NYK) 891,759; Kevin Garnett (Bos) 328,716; Chris Bosh (Mia) 308,194; Tyson Chandler (NYK) 260,000; Paul Pierce (Bos) 171,601; Joakim Noah (Chi) 129,331; Josh Smith (Atl) 111,260; Anderson Varejao (Cle) 99,955; Amar'e Stoudemire (NYK) 90,996; Shane Battier (Mia) 88,800; Andrew Bynum (Phi) 84,939; Luol Deng (Chi) 76,400; Brook Lopez (BKN) 67,991; Jeff Green (Bos) 52,785.
Backcourt: Dwyane Wade (Mia) 645,875; Rajon Rondo (Bos) 574,272; Deron Williams (BKN) 309,778; Kyrie Irving (Cle) 258,193; Ray Allen (Mia) 195,142; Monta Ellis (Mil) 71,287; Raymond Felton (NYK) 66,745; Jrue Holiday (Phi) 56,683; Jason Terry (Bos) 52,833; Brandon Jennings (Mil) 49,122.
2013 NBA ALL-STAR BALLOTING PRESENTED BY SPRINT WESTERN CONFERENCE
Frontcourt: Kevin Durant (OKC) 924,898; Dwight Howard (LAL) 616,150; Blake Griffin (LAC) 489,795; Tim Duncan (SA) 299,434; Pau Gasol (LAL) 197,377; Kevin Love (Min) 189,949; Omer Asik (Hou) 131,002; Rudy Gay (Mem) 125,562; Serge Ibaka (OKC) 111,963; Marc Gasol (Mem) 99,271; Zach Randolph (Mem) 97,778; LaMarcus Aldridge (Por) 97,090; Dirk Nowitzki (Dal) 93,491; Metta World Peace (LAL) 85,279; Chandler Parsons (Hou) 78,235.
Backcourt: Kobe Bryant (LAL) 977,444; Chris Paul (LAC) 542,564; Jeremy Lin (Hou) 496,133; James Harden (Hou) 283,691; Russell Westbrook (OKC) 232,074; Steve Nash (LAL) 166,262; Tony Parker (SA) 111,032; Ricky Rubio (Min) 96,466; Stephen Curry (GS) 78,380; Manu Ginobili (SA) 70,813.

Top 5 - Bottom 3 (Week 1)

Welcome to the newest weekly feature here at the Club.. the Top 5 & Bottom 3. Each week we will determine the absolute cream of the NBA crop, as well as determine the bottom dwellers raping the other franchises via revenue sharing.

Got beef with our rankings? Let us know what you think. Got serious beef with the rankings? Get the F out da Club. Now without further ado, the best and worst the National Basketball Association has to offer...


Top 5

1. Miami Heat (Record: 16-6)
The defending champs have had minimal bumps thus far in their title defense. Lack of interest in the regular season could be this team's only weakness(other than depth in the frontcourt, but I digress). LeBron & Co. are simply waiting for the postseason to begin to dominate the Eastern Conference with their #1 seed and home court throughout the playoffs.

2. Oklahoma City Thunder (20-4)
The Thunder deserve to be in the number one spot with their stellar play and impressive game of early MVP Kevin Durant. Last year's failures in the NBA Finals still seem more important than records through a 1/4th of this season, thus landing OKC at #2. The NBA Finals rematch on Christmas day against Miami will likely determine next week's top team.

3. Los Angeles Clippers (18-6)
Lob City has come out of the gate very sharp and have put up W's to match their sexy play. While NBA fans love seeing Blake Griffin jump out the building on a regular basis, Vinny Del Negro is doing something right with his roster and has put together an impressive 10 game winning streak. The Clips are currently reigning supreme in the Staples Center and are very much a contender for the title.

4. Memphis Grizzlies (16-6)
The Griz are the surprise of the NBA right now and are playing similarly to their playoff run two seasons ago.  Z-Bo is quietly putting up MVP numbers for his squad, averaging 17 points and almost 13 rebounds a game (good for 2nd best in the NBA). Rudy Gay, the other Gasol, and Mike Conley round out a core group of players that could challenge in the West.

5. New York Knicks (18-6)
As a 76ers fan, it pains me to put the Knickerbockers in the top five. Their play and stratospheric shooting numbers (averaging 12 three's made per game, by far best in the league) have the island of Manhattan excited about the Knicks chances for the first time in a long time. The imminent return of Amar'e will disrupt the teams rhythm and the inevitable decline in shooting % will doom the team.. but for now Knicks fans enjoy the VIP, the champagne, and being labeled as one of the best in the Club. 
 

Bottom 3

1. Washington Wizards (Record: 3-19)
The Wiz kids currently sit in the cellar with only three wins approaching Christmas. Injuries to stars John Wall and Nene certainly haven't helped this helpless franchise, but a winning percent of .136 is inexcusable. Washington has started 11 different players already this season, with neither Wall or Nene being one of them. Eleven!

2. Charlotte Bobcats (7-17)
The doormat of the association since 2004, Charlotte's NBA team is so bad most people think they still have a different animal as a mascot. The Hornets, er, Bobcats, started the season strong with seven wins, but are winless since beating the Wizards in OT around Thanksgiving. The Bobcats are currently caught in a losing streak of 12 games, making them an easy choice for the bottom three. Twelve!


3. Phoenix Suns (10-15)
While teams like New Orleans and Cleveland have much worse records than the Suns, those teams can at least attribute poor play to injuries to stars (i.e. Uncle Drew's broken hand, the Unibrow's busted ankle). The Suns lack star power, unless Marcin Gortat arouses you, and the majority of their wins are against the trash of the NBA. The Suns wins include Cleveland (twice), Detroit, Charlotte, New Oreleans, etc. The Suns, like all NBA teams, are permitted to have 13 players on their active roster. Thirteen!

How Convenient, Dan Gilbert

A night after having his worst display of the season, posting 9 points on 4-14 shooting with 5 TOs in a loss to Jrue and the Sixers, the Cavs announced Kyrie Irving will be out for a month with a broken finger.  Apparently he sustained the injury against Dallas on Saturday, thinking it was only a bruise before playing the Sixers.

Anybody with half a brain can see through the PR spin on this one - Kyrie doesn't think Jrue is worth shit and thought he could outplay him on 9 fingers.  A few absurd ankle-breaking dribbles aside, Kyrie was thoroughly outplayed by the PG on the rise in South Philadelphia (14 & 9, with only 2 TOs(!)).

Conspiracy theories aside, I hope Uncle Drew is back soon.  One of my favorite players to watch, and you could tell something wasn't right last night; he had an all-around awful game, and you don't see that from him.  Time to take the reigns, Varejao!

CP3 vs a collection of traffic cones

Dan Gilbert got the last laugh though, as Uncle Drew and Dion Waiters combined for 52 to sneak past Lob City.  Still, they should all be embarrassed by this one.

Speaking of Acting...

The new Kyrie Irving Uncle Drew commercial is awesome. Kevin Love up in the mix!




Here's an interview Uncle Drew did with everyone's favorite idiot, Stephen A. Smith.



And here's the original Uncle Drew commercial for anyone who missed it last year:

And We're Off!!!

The NBA season tipped off last night with the Heat beating the Celtics and the Mavs surprising the Lakers.  Oh and Uncle Drew put up 29 to go with the Brazilian Rodman's 23 boards to lead the Cavs over the injury riddled Wizards.

First observation is the Lakers' bench is atrocious.  They kind of remind me of Miami of 2010.  If Nash, Gasol, Bryant and Howard don't pour in 20ppg each, the Lakers have little chance of winning.  Nash struggled last night finishing with only 7 points and 4 assists, and generally looked out of sorts the entire game.  Kobe looked hampered by his strained foot, lacking the explosiveness that we have come to expect from him, but The Black Mamba shot an incredibly efficient 11/14 to end with 22 points.  Gasol and Howard both looked good putting up around 20 and 10, but Howard's free throw shooting was again a huge factor.  He went 3/14 from the line missing several clutch freebies.  If he can't improve his free throw shooting, there is no way you can have him on the floor in the clutch and he will always be the second best big in the league.

Second observation: D. Wade and Rondo should kick box.  It all started in the 2011 playoffs when the fashionista known as D. Wade intentionally tackled Rondo to the floor dislocating his elbow in the process.

Seems Rondo didn't forget the pain associated with a dislocated joint and last night he went for the kill towards the end of the Celtics 120-107 loss in Miami.

This rivalry is getting to be all kinds of hot.  Wade called the foul a "punk play" after the game and said he almost threw the ball at Rondo, but got scared Rondo would try to fight him and did not want to risk a broken nail.  These teams both looked great last night and barring the Fountain of Youth being discovered in Grand Central, these teams will be your Eastern Conference Finals representatives.