Kobe Bryant is humble as humble gets

"I'd call up the Buss family and tell them to get that guy off the team." 

Rough day up in da club.  Big fight went down on the dance floor last night so we've been cleaning up glass and dealing with impending lawsuits from money hungry bystanders most of the day.  Nursed our hangovers and kept our eyes on the clock with the idea of a slow night at home waiting for us come 5.  Now the 5 o'clock hour is upon us, the hangover from last night is just about gone and I just got word from Larry that da club has free Budweisers for the first 100 people through the door.  Now all I can think about is that first sip...

Remember...

Be safe out there people or Kevin Garnett will rip your head off and drink your blood.

Kobe STILL not giving a fuck

On Friday pretty boy, Mark Cuban, was going over some hypothetical situations that teams are faced with under the NBA's new collective bargaining agreement in a hypothetical attempt to educate the public on the difficulties he and many other owners face.  During this impromptu enlightenment, Cuban chose to use Kobe Bryant as a hypothetical example of a player that an owner would have to consider amnestying in order to stay under the hypothetical luxury tax.

Turns out, Kobe wasn't impressed with Cuban's comments and took it out on  Cuban's Mavs on Sunday to the tune of 38 points on 13-21 from the field with 12 boards and 7 assists for a 103-99 Laker win in Dallas.  (Side note: if the Lakers have any shot of winning games when Kobe takes 21 shots, he needs to make at least this many which he has not done.)  After the game, Kobe bestowed on us the single best tweet of all time.

The Mamba knows he's at a point in his career when he can say whatever the fuck he wants and lucky for all of us, he is.

Mamba out.

Kobe Bryant = Keanu Reeves

Well all my wildest dreams have come true.  Last night, after another virtuoso performance running the point, Kobe referred to himself as Neo.  Its no secret that Keanu Reeves is the greatest American actor of all time, but the fact that his characters are now being referenced in mainstream sports is a dream come true for both of us.

The Lakers have now won three games in a row against formidable competition (Hornets were 8-4 in last 12 before LA, OKC's greatness this season need not be explained and the Jazz were 8-2 in last 10 before LA).  During that stretch, Kobe has averaged just 16.3ppg, down dramatically from the nearly 28ppg he was averaging before this turnaround.  I would argue though that Kobe is making a stronger push for the MVP now than ever before with his increases in rebounds and assists (8.7rpg and 13apg).  He is now RUNNING the Lakers' offense.  He realizes that Nash has nothing and I really mean NOTHING left in the tank and if the Lakers are going to make any noise this year, it is going to be on Kobe and Kobe alone. 

I love that Kobe said if he were a PG he would be the best in the league. Just loves his game so much.  Why would he not though?  Being able to change his game like he is doing, at this point in his career, mid-season is fucking foolish.  He should not be able to do this.  Blows my mind.

If the Lakers can get into the playoffs, they are scaaaaaaaaaaaary.

Kobe Sets Another Record

With his final missed shot on Tuesday night against the Rockets (came with 2:27 left in the 4th quarter), Kobe Bryant missed his 15,296 career field goal attempt, passing John Havlicek for the most field goal attempts missed in NBA history, combining regular and posteason numbers.

Introducing the 2013 Edition of Chuck's Lucky Ducks

(click to enlarge)

Introducing your 2013 All-Star team as established by Charles Barkley himself.

In the West's Frontcourt: K. Smooth, Serge Ibaka and Z-Bo.  The West's Guards: The Black Mamba and Smooth J and Jeremiah.

In the East's Frontcourt: Melo, The Queen and Anderson Varejao.  The East's Guards: Jrue and Raging Rajon.

I'll list my omissions in order.

I had more trouble with the West's Frontcourt group than anywhere else.  Notable omissions to this group: Kevin Love (has been hurt, but one of my favorite players, Milk Chocolate) and Blake Griffin (he can fly!! and gave this up).  The West's guard omissions were Steph Curry (finally healthy) , Chris Paul (no links, he's a bitch) and OJ Mayo (having a career season).

In the East's Frontcourt, the only person I had trouble leaving out was Joakim Noah because I like keeping Wentz happy.  The East's guard omissions were Uncle Drew (seriously!?) and Brandon Jennings (playing for a contract).

I posted the current results to the voting below.  It is an absolute JOKE that fucking D. Wade has almost 600,000 more votes than Jrue Holiday.  It makes me want to sit on a thumbtack actually.  Jrue is playing 38 minutes per game with career highs in points, assists and 3 point % at 18.1, 8.8 and 35.5.  Couple that with 1.3 steals per and 4 boards while shooting 45% from the field and it is a crime against humanity that he isn't going to be making his first all-star appearance.

In the West, Dwight Howard has no business even sniffing at a chance for Houston based on this season and if you disagree, you're a moron.

Current totals according to NBA.com:

2013 NBA ALL-STAR BALLOTING PRESENTED BY SPRINT EASTERN CONFERENCE
Frontcourt: LeBron James (Mia) 970,314; Carmelo Anthony (NYK) 891,759; Kevin Garnett (Bos) 328,716; Chris Bosh (Mia) 308,194; Tyson Chandler (NYK) 260,000; Paul Pierce (Bos) 171,601; Joakim Noah (Chi) 129,331; Josh Smith (Atl) 111,260; Anderson Varejao (Cle) 99,955; Amar'e Stoudemire (NYK) 90,996; Shane Battier (Mia) 88,800; Andrew Bynum (Phi) 84,939; Luol Deng (Chi) 76,400; Brook Lopez (BKN) 67,991; Jeff Green (Bos) 52,785.
Backcourt: Dwyane Wade (Mia) 645,875; Rajon Rondo (Bos) 574,272; Deron Williams (BKN) 309,778; Kyrie Irving (Cle) 258,193; Ray Allen (Mia) 195,142; Monta Ellis (Mil) 71,287; Raymond Felton (NYK) 66,745; Jrue Holiday (Phi) 56,683; Jason Terry (Bos) 52,833; Brandon Jennings (Mil) 49,122.
2013 NBA ALL-STAR BALLOTING PRESENTED BY SPRINT WESTERN CONFERENCE
Frontcourt: Kevin Durant (OKC) 924,898; Dwight Howard (LAL) 616,150; Blake Griffin (LAC) 489,795; Tim Duncan (SA) 299,434; Pau Gasol (LAL) 197,377; Kevin Love (Min) 189,949; Omer Asik (Hou) 131,002; Rudy Gay (Mem) 125,562; Serge Ibaka (OKC) 111,963; Marc Gasol (Mem) 99,271; Zach Randolph (Mem) 97,778; LaMarcus Aldridge (Por) 97,090; Dirk Nowitzki (Dal) 93,491; Metta World Peace (LAL) 85,279; Chandler Parsons (Hou) 78,235.
Backcourt: Kobe Bryant (LAL) 977,444; Chris Paul (LAC) 542,564; Jeremy Lin (Hou) 496,133; James Harden (Hou) 283,691; Russell Westbrook (OKC) 232,074; Steve Nash (LAL) 166,262; Tony Parker (SA) 111,032; Ricky Rubio (Min) 96,466; Stephen Curry (GS) 78,380; Manu Ginobili (SA) 70,813.

This Just In! Pau Gasol is Soft!

Well Kobe is at it again.  In the twilight of his career, he has made it completely obvious that he is going to say whatever he wants, whenever he wants.  After his Lakers lost to the horrendous Orlando Magic last night, 113-103, he said he was going to "kick everybody's ass" if things didn't change.  He also called out everyone's favorite marshmallow, Pau Gasol, saying he needs to toughen up.

When Big Baby Davis is rejecting you at the rim and you're 7 feet tall, I'd say your ass deserves to sit on the end of the bench in the fourth quarter.

Kobe on a roll!

I am on the record as not being a big Kobe fan.  I know that's a really confounding thing to a lot of people, but I don't care.  Guy just never did it for me.  Plus he beat AI in his only real shot to win a title, so fuck him.  ANYWAY, I think I'm developing an appreciation for Kobe as he realizes that he's only got a couple years left, is a top-10 player ever, and can just talk whatever shit he wants.  First, we have Smush Parker responding to Kobe's comments yesterday by saying that Kobe wouldn't let Smush talk to him off the court?!  That is GOLD.  You have to be a serious kind of narcissistic asshole to pull something like that off. 

Then he trashes the Sixers and the fact that they gave Kwame Brown a two-year, $6 million contract.  And the fact is, he's completely right.  Kwame freaking Brown, on the Sixers.  If they got him after Bynum, I guess it would make some kind of sense to have him as a backup for when Bynum either collapses into a pile of torn ligaments or he pulls JJ Barea's head off of his body mid-game.  But Kwame was here before Bynum!  Seriously, this guy is going to get paid millions of dollars, and log actual playing time.  Unbelievable.

 

Kobe, when you're right you're right.