The King dunks on The Queen

Club Bosh was in South Philly last night to see the Heat extend their winning streak to 20.  The Sixers put up a valiant effort but were derailed by a missed layup by Big Spence with 24 seconds left down 94-91.  I told myself I would not go on another Spencer Hawes rant so all I'm going to say is I could have made that layup and I am one of the 3 worst basketball players on the planet.

All was not lost though, as our king, Jrue Holiday had an epic dunk on the Queen to tie the game at 91 with about 1:20 left.  During the ensuing time out, the Queen was seen making Chalmers wipe Jrue's spunk off his face.

I picked an awesome season to buy Sixers season tickets.  24-40 and most times I'd rather be relieving the toilet scene from Arachnophobia.

I never thought the day would come when I would doubt Doug Collins

In one of the most atrocious games I can ever remember any one team playing, the Sixers were beaten handily by the hapless Orlando Magic last night 98-84.  This is the same Orlando Magic team whose best players are Glen Davis and Jameer Nelson.  GLEN DAVIS and JAMEER NELSON are the best players on the Magic and the Sixers still found a way to lose.  Wait... it gets worse.  Comically worse.

Glen Davis and Jameer Nelson did not even PLAY last night.  The game was IN South Philly.  Nic Vucevic, one of the guys who the Sixers traded to get Andrew Bynum and Jason Richardson, out rebounded Spencer Hawes and Levoy Allen by 14 rebounds.  14!!!!  He had 19 boards to Spence's 1 and Levoy's whopping, 4.  Did I mention that the guys we got in that trade are going to end the 2013 season playing a total of 33 games?  Wait... it gets worse.

After the game, the lovable Doug Collins decided to tie his team to the proverbial tracks and drive his locomotive full of blame back and forth over them for 12 minutes.  (Click here for full presser.  If you actually watch the video, check out DC's rapey smirks after his insults.  Made me feel like grandpa was watching me change my Underoos.)  Literally did not take an once of blame until almost 10 minutes into the presser.  Just crying, doing the old whole whoa is me routine.

Doug, we get it.  We get that you are coaching a team that is so bad they thought signing Kwame Brown preseason would be a phenomenal idea.  We get that you're senile (first comment below).  We get that you're pissed off you haven't achieved an erection without chemicals in years.  We get that you are dealing with a bunch of shitty injuries and the team you are coaching is not the same team you thought you would be coaching before this season started.  THIS IS WHAT YOU'RE PAID FOR.  You're paid to deal with all this shit and make it work.  You're paid to put a product on the floor that will at least LOOK interested in being there.  Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying you should be putting a playoff team on the floor right now with the guys you have.  Not even the Zen Master could do that.  All I'm saying is it's your job to put a team on the floor that will at least COMPETE, especially in a home game against a team that had only won 15 games before last night.  A team that had only won 6 games on the road all year and was in the midst of a 10 game road losing streak.  You owe that to the fans in Philadelphia.  This rant was not endearing.  It did not deflect blame.  It did not embody your city.  It made you sound like a kiss ass and it put the wheels in motion to send your wrinkled balls out to some retirement village in Arizona, far far away from our Sixers.

As Kemp put it to me last night, it's time for the ping pong balls.  (Don't be scared.  Go ahead.  Click on it.)  I'd like to say this is rock bottom.  I really would, but the remaining Sixers schedule is brutal culminating with 12 of their final 16 games on the road.  At this point, a top 5 pick is more likely than the playoffs.

My last comment would be to the Sixers' ownership group.  You knew what you were trading for and still decided to make that person the center of a massive advertising campaign.  How's that working out for you now, dumb-asses?  You've driven the once jovial, Doug Collins, to become a conniving little squid who only cares about saving face.

Some of the highlights are below.



"If everybody looked inside themselves as much as I do, this world would be a CAT scan.  Okay?  I mean, believe me.  I have.. there's not 2 days go by that I don't go to Rod, I don't go to Tony, 'What can I do? Can I do anything different? How can I be a better coach? How can I be a better leader? How can I help these guys?'  Sometimes you gotta help yourself.  You know? Sometimes you gotta help yourself.  Youth is a very blaming thing."

"Why are you booing me?  I'm the coach"

Asked about leaders on the team "We have players that have capabilities... Take ownership."

Guys feeling held hostage by Bynum situation.  "Is he playing?  Isn't he playing?"

"I'm not a blamer."

"I have not found an answer and I'm paid to do that."

Warning: Insane Sixers Rant Below

Could it get any more soft than Spencer Hawes?  Seriously.  This guy is 7'1" and insists on playing at the top of the key where he makes a living bricking jumpers and trying to be a point guard.  Here's an idea, Spencer, why don't you get your fat fucking ass under the basket and let your All-Star point guard worry about running the show?

I had the pleasure of watching the Clippers dunk on the Sixers every way imaginable last night as they rolled to a 107-90 victory at the Wells Fargo.  The Sixers trailed by as much as 32 in the game and the 17 point margin of victory does the Clippers dominance no justice.  It was thorough.  It was complete.  It was powerful.

My disgust for this team peaked when Hawes let chubby chaser, Blake Griffin,  dunk of him for the one millionth, one hundred seventy six thousandth, five hundred and sixty fourth time.  Have a little self respect, Spencer!  The guy is making your sexy girlfriend wetter than the Atlantic with every dunk and not once does it go through your head to foul the guy?  Maybe don't let him put his dick in your face on this trip to the hoop?  Put him on his back and maybe next time he'll think twice about putting his balls in your eye.  Instead, you let him to the rim relatively uncontested where he throws down on you so hard, fucking Evan Turner starts giggling like the little school girl bitch he is.

I am so happy I only have to deal with Spencer Hawes for one more year.  He is a poor man's Pau Gasol and I hate Pau Gasol with the fire of a thousand suns.

That leads me to Evan Turner.  He has to go and he has to go now.  Get him out of here before the trade deadline.  He is a bust.  His wild inconsistency is doing nothing but hurting this team.  I get that he is having a career year.  I get that he has 10 double doubles this year which takes his CAREER total to 17.  He will NEVER be able to carry this team.  The Sixers still have a viable trade piece in him solely based on his potential.  Get him out of here while you can still get something for his bum ass.  For him to be sitting on the bench giggling at Blake Griffin dunking on the marshmallow is completely inexcusable.  Obviously cares about this thing a lot less than the fans.  His response after the game about his reaction, “I wasn’t celebrating or nothing. I felt bad for my boy and how he’s forever going to live on in highlights.”  You felt bad so you were laughing?  First you suck at basketball then you insult my intelligence?  God damn!  Good riddance, Evan.  I hope that you stub your toe on the way out.

Carmelo knows how to get his

Lately, talks of Carmelo Anthony for MVP have cooled and his Knicks have struggled, going 5-5 in their last 10 including an outing on Saturday in Philadelphia that Anthony went just 9/28 from the field.  Critics have heaped it on Anthony once again for shooting the ball too much and playing selfishly.

Well last night, Anthony was nothing short of brilliant.  After starting the game 1/5, he finished going 14/23 including an extraordinary 9/12 from 3.  His most impressive 3 came at the end of the first half in a stretch that he converted 3 3's in 55 seconds including one at the 22 second mark below that he pulls up from the 'MSG' logo that sits almost 30 feet from the basket.  He capped off his day by driving to the basket with 12 seconds left and converting an 'and one' that gave the Knicks a 106-104 victory over the Hawks.

Back-to-back 28 shot games for Anthony is a bit scarey and brings back memories of the Knicks of last year.  If the Knicks want to have a shot in the East, they need to get back to playing like they did at the beginning of the season where the led they league in defense and the scoring was evenly distributed.  This all starts with the fat boi at the point.  If he can lay off the marshmallows, the Knicks have a shot.

Uncle Drew, K. Smooth and CP3

Some highlights from the last few days. 

First off is Uncle Drew's ridiculous elbow fade away with 1 second left to bury the Bobcats on Friday night.  I think sometimes people forget this guy is only 20 years old.  Can't even enjoy a legal shot of Cuervo with his buddy, Milk Chocolate.  Unbelievable upside.

Also on Friday night, K. Smooth baptized the softest marshmallow in the league, Spencer Hawes. I will never understand how 7 footers can look themselves in the mirror when they get dunked on like this.  Not only did you let K. Smooth tap his nut sack on your forehead, you fouled him.  If you are going to foul him, at least stop him from abusing you.  Spencer Hawes, a waste of 7 feet.

Last but not least, the Clippers figure if it ain't broke, don't fix it and go for back-to-back-to-back CP3 to DeAndre Jordan alley oops.  For a reason unknown to me, I hate CP3 with the fire of 1,000 suns, but god dammit he is good.

This Just In! Pau Gasol is Soft!

Well Kobe is at it again.  In the twilight of his career, he has made it completely obvious that he is going to say whatever he wants, whenever he wants.  After his Lakers lost to the horrendous Orlando Magic last night, 113-103, he said he was going to "kick everybody's ass" if things didn't change.  He also called out everyone's favorite marshmallow, Pau Gasol, saying he needs to toughen up.

When Big Baby Davis is rejecting you at the rim and you're 7 feet tall, I'd say your ass deserves to sit on the end of the bench in the fourth quarter.

You know what would've helped the Sixers last night? Andrew Bynum.

Got to another Sixers game last night at home against the Bucks.  Despite a valiant 24-9 run to tie the game at 82 at end the third quarter, the Sixers looked lost.  One of the worst defensive performances by a Doug Collins' coached team that I have ever seen.  I shutter when I say it about a Philadelphia sports team, but at times the Sixers looked... well, soft.  Now don't get it completely twisted.  I realize the Sixers were in a tough spot last night after winning 3 straight on the road and coming home to a game that they were "supposed" to win, but I still expect them to keep the Bucks under 100 points at home.

Now to elaborate on my "soft" comment.  Brandon Jennings went bananas.  Put up 33 points (not to mention 8 assists and 4 steals) and was slicing through the lane with the ease of a knife through warm butter.  Not one time did any of the Sixer big men (or any other Sixer for that matter) think of laying a hard foul on the little guy (he literally looked like a 12 year old when compared to the other guys on the court).  Does not make any sense.  Put the guy on his ass and he is going to be thinking of that the next time he tries to drive the lane.  Karl Malone would have never let that happen.  Shaq would've never let that happen.  But the Sixers let it happen time and time again.  I realize the culture in professional sports has changed across the board with every league emphasizing player safety, but all I am asking for here is a hard foul.  You know who would be the perfect man for the job?  Andrew Bynum.

I know this is an extreme case, but I am just trying to make a point.  The Sixers need Bynum in the lineup and they needed him yesterday.  He'll provide the big man presence they need on defense, and although this post has not focused at all on the offensive end, he'll provide an inside game the likes of which the Sixers haven't seen since Dr. J.  This will give the Sixers the unique ability to play a half court style when he is on the floor and a fast past, run and gun style when he is on the bench.  That is going to prove a very difficult task for teams to game plan for defensively because the two styles of play are such polar opposites.

I'd be remiss not to mention Jrue's line of 25 points and 6 assists on 10-18 from the field.  He has been nothing short of magnificent on the offensive end to start the year; now he just needs to cut down on his 6 turnovers per game average.