113-77

The Spurs embarassed the shit out of the Queen & Co. last night, returning the favor from Game 2. 16 3-pointers? Are you kidding me? Game 4 should be a doozy.

The King dunks on The Queen

Club Bosh was in South Philly last night to see the Heat extend their winning streak to 20.  The Sixers put up a valiant effort but were derailed by a missed layup by Big Spence with 24 seconds left down 94-91.  I told myself I would not go on another Spencer Hawes rant so all I'm going to say is I could have made that layup and I am one of the 3 worst basketball players on the planet.

All was not lost though, as our king, Jrue Holiday had an epic dunk on the Queen to tie the game at 91 with about 1:20 left.  During the ensuing time out, the Queen was seen making Chalmers wipe Jrue's spunk off his face.

I picked an awesome season to buy Sixers season tickets.  24-40 and most times I'd rather be relieving the toilet scene from Arachnophobia.

Miami Heat late to the Harlem Shake craze

Here ya go, Left Coast Pete.

The beginning of this video is definitely the highlight.  Watching Birdman's crazy ass flap his "wings" while coming towards the camera is the definition of comedy.  Of course, Lebron dresses up like a queen, the Boshtrich is curiously wearing a nightgown and D. Wade dressed up like a bear because he is insecure (yes, I am jealous).

As a bonus, check out Mike Miller and Birdman making fools out of themselves trying to rap 'Ice Ice Baby'.

LeBron embarrassed by Kobe, disappears in 4th circa 2011

LeBron was back to his old self last night, withering in the 4th quarter of the All-Star game and allowing the West to claim a 143-138 victory.  Kobe punctuated LeBron's implosion with 2 blocks that broke LeBron's will and officially compromised the Heat's quest to repeat. 

These 2 blocks will have a lasting effect on LeBron's frail psyche.  Don't forget, You heard it from sources up in da club first.

State of the Thunder Address: Really Just February 12 Review

The Thunder found a way to lose to the Jazz last night in a game that they shot 56% from the field compared to the Jazz's 48%.  In normal circumstances, I'd put the loss on Russell Westbrook's wild layup clinic, but he was a solid 8/14 from the field last night.  Next I'd move to turnover differential, which Russ Russ certainly contributed to abundantly, but once again, I'd be wrong.  Though Russ Russ did have 7 turnovers, the Jazz ended the game with only a +3 turnover differential.  That leads me to the real answer.  An answer that had Russ Russ noticeably upset after the game and a notion that shakes me to my very core.  You see in the video below, just off camera, sources close to OKC confirm that a reporter from the The Daily Oklahoman was holding up a cue card that read "where's James"?  Short and sweet.  Warm and nostalgic.  Love and loss.  As soon as Russ Russ saw it, it was game over.

The bench lost the game for the Thunder last night, which scares the shit out of me.  You know who else it scares shitless?  Fucking, Presti.  Kevin Martin was invisible, finishing with just 6 points on 3/8, and the rest of the bench combined for a skinny 19 points. Presti made this bed.  He cashed this check. He pumped this fist.  This was a prime game last year where Harden would put up 30 points on a ridiculous 12/16 from the field and carry the Thunder to a win.  They counted on that guy.  I'm worried what is going to happen in June when they don't have that guy.  I know Smooth J had a rough finals last year, but all signs pointed to a breakout this year.  He is having that breakout but not in OKC.

Poppa Perk was not happy about the absence of Jeremiah (more so than Smooth J) and he took it out in an elbow to the side of Al Jefferson's dome that would've made Ron Ron proud.

K. Smooth can do no wrong.  LeBron.

K. Smooth and another NBA first

The weekend tore through da club like K. Smooth tore through the Mavs' defense on Friday night.  It left us all hungover, burping up Italian meats and asking why we put up with our 40 hour a week cube jobs.

That all being said, this isn't about us, our shitty jobs or our bad attitudes.  This is about someone who found the key to averting the life of a desk jockey: grow to be almost 7 feet tall and have a freakish 7'5" wing span.  I give you the NBA's best player, Kevin Durant.  Last night, he became the first player in NBA history to make 20+ free throws in back to back games.  He is now 41/42 from the line over his last 2 and an insane 91% from the charity stripe this season.  In those last two, he has combined to score 89 points.  For those of you that are math challenged, that's almost 45ppg.  45!

I'd say with recent injuries, the MVP race has now fallen squarely on Durant vs. LeBron.  If I were a betting man, my money would be on the protagonist to unseat the villain for MVP and for NBA supremacy.

K. Smooth Doing The Blake Power Layup

Holy bejesus.  The European Center adage rings true once again.  These guys just love the poster publicity. 

No Ibaka last night?  No problem.  K. Smooth threw up 41 points on 15/30 from the field and didn't turn the ball over once in OKC's 102-90 win at Phoenix.  I am officially starting the Kevin Durant for 2013 MVP campaign right now.  Jump on board or end up with a boo boo.

Introducing the 2013 Edition of Chuck's Lucky Ducks

(click to enlarge)

Introducing your 2013 All-Star team as established by Charles Barkley himself.

In the West's Frontcourt: K. Smooth, Serge Ibaka and Z-Bo.  The West's Guards: The Black Mamba and Smooth J and Jeremiah.

In the East's Frontcourt: Melo, The Queen and Anderson Varejao.  The East's Guards: Jrue and Raging Rajon.

I'll list my omissions in order.

I had more trouble with the West's Frontcourt group than anywhere else.  Notable omissions to this group: Kevin Love (has been hurt, but one of my favorite players, Milk Chocolate) and Blake Griffin (he can fly!! and gave this up).  The West's guard omissions were Steph Curry (finally healthy) , Chris Paul (no links, he's a bitch) and OJ Mayo (having a career season).

In the East's Frontcourt, the only person I had trouble leaving out was Joakim Noah because I like keeping Wentz happy.  The East's guard omissions were Uncle Drew (seriously!?) and Brandon Jennings (playing for a contract).

I posted the current results to the voting below.  It is an absolute JOKE that fucking D. Wade has almost 600,000 more votes than Jrue Holiday.  It makes me want to sit on a thumbtack actually.  Jrue is playing 38 minutes per game with career highs in points, assists and 3 point % at 18.1, 8.8 and 35.5.  Couple that with 1.3 steals per and 4 boards while shooting 45% from the field and it is a crime against humanity that he isn't going to be making his first all-star appearance.

In the West, Dwight Howard has no business even sniffing at a chance for Houston based on this season and if you disagree, you're a moron.

Current totals according to NBA.com:

2013 NBA ALL-STAR BALLOTING PRESENTED BY SPRINT EASTERN CONFERENCE
Frontcourt: LeBron James (Mia) 970,314; Carmelo Anthony (NYK) 891,759; Kevin Garnett (Bos) 328,716; Chris Bosh (Mia) 308,194; Tyson Chandler (NYK) 260,000; Paul Pierce (Bos) 171,601; Joakim Noah (Chi) 129,331; Josh Smith (Atl) 111,260; Anderson Varejao (Cle) 99,955; Amar'e Stoudemire (NYK) 90,996; Shane Battier (Mia) 88,800; Andrew Bynum (Phi) 84,939; Luol Deng (Chi) 76,400; Brook Lopez (BKN) 67,991; Jeff Green (Bos) 52,785.
Backcourt: Dwyane Wade (Mia) 645,875; Rajon Rondo (Bos) 574,272; Deron Williams (BKN) 309,778; Kyrie Irving (Cle) 258,193; Ray Allen (Mia) 195,142; Monta Ellis (Mil) 71,287; Raymond Felton (NYK) 66,745; Jrue Holiday (Phi) 56,683; Jason Terry (Bos) 52,833; Brandon Jennings (Mil) 49,122.
2013 NBA ALL-STAR BALLOTING PRESENTED BY SPRINT WESTERN CONFERENCE
Frontcourt: Kevin Durant (OKC) 924,898; Dwight Howard (LAL) 616,150; Blake Griffin (LAC) 489,795; Tim Duncan (SA) 299,434; Pau Gasol (LAL) 197,377; Kevin Love (Min) 189,949; Omer Asik (Hou) 131,002; Rudy Gay (Mem) 125,562; Serge Ibaka (OKC) 111,963; Marc Gasol (Mem) 99,271; Zach Randolph (Mem) 97,778; LaMarcus Aldridge (Por) 97,090; Dirk Nowitzki (Dal) 93,491; Metta World Peace (LAL) 85,279; Chandler Parsons (Hou) 78,235.
Backcourt: Kobe Bryant (LAL) 977,444; Chris Paul (LAC) 542,564; Jeremy Lin (Hou) 496,133; James Harden (Hou) 283,691; Russell Westbrook (OKC) 232,074; Steve Nash (LAL) 166,262; Tony Parker (SA) 111,032; Ricky Rubio (Min) 96,466; Stephen Curry (GS) 78,380; Manu Ginobili (SA) 70,813.

LeBron vs. Durant

Kemp's Nose Hoes needs to get his head on straight.  K. Smooth is playing out of his mind.  His all around game is miles ahead of where it was last year.  Just look at what he did to the Hawks last night.  60% from the field, 50% from 3, 90% from the line, 41 points, 13 boards, 3 assists and 2 blocks.

K. Smooth has to win a title, but when compared to LeBron, we are getting dangerously close to not only saying K. Smooth is a better scorer, but a comparable, if not better overall player.  Let's look at the 9 major statistical categories:

FG%           LeBron 53%      K. Smooth 51%        Small Advantage LeBron
FT%           LeBron 68%       K. Smooth 90%        Huge Advantage K. Smooth
PPG            LeBron 25.2       K. Smooth 27.7         Small Advantage K. Smooth
RPG            LeBron 8.5         K. Smooth 8.5          Push
APG            LeBron 6.9         K. Smooth 4.2          Advantage LeBron
Steals           LeBron 1.3         K. Smooth  1.5        More or Less, Push
Blocks         LeBron 0.9          K. Smooth 1.5         Small advantage K. Smooth
Turnovers    LeBron 2.5          K. Smooth 3.5         Small advantage LeBron
3 Point %    LeBron 42.3%     K. Smooth 43.5%    More or Less, Push

The numbers speak for themselves.  The categories LeBron used to dominate over Smooth, FG%, Rebounding and Assists are now either even or extremely close.  LeBron's Free Throw Percentage remains a stain on his game while K. Smooth really doesn't have a category that is overly weak.  I know statistics can't tell the whole story, especially defensively where you'd have to take LeBron over K. Smooth (based on 1-on-1 defense), but they can paint a pretty good picture.

PLUS K. Smooth has starred in a feature film.  What has LeBron done in Hollywood?  Nothing.

I have wet dreams every single night about a rematch of last year's finals.  Please, please, please, Stern, have your minions match us with LeBron and K. Smooth again in June.

The Namesake is Banned from Da Club for 3 Weeks

The Boshtrich, Bosh Spice, The Great Boshtradamus, Velocibosh, C-Beezy, Bosh Sizzle, Champagne Bosh, O-Face has officially been banned from da club for 3 weeks following the display below.

Wizards Beat The Heat!

This guy is articulating everything I thought last night when I heard The Queen and Her Men lost to the Wizards.

Presti Puts Curse on Harden

Last night marked the return of Smooth J to OKC and a reunion with K. Smoove, Russ Russ and Poppa Perk.  The gang was officially back together and a post game rendevous with Kate Upton produced familiar results.

Something unfamiliar to Smooth J was Presti's use of voodoo magic.  That fuck put some kind of curse on Smooth J and Jeremiah that caused him to go 3-16 from the field and only end up with 17 points.  The curse also inhibited James' ability to get off shots as illustrated below.

PS K. Smoove ended up with a monster 37, 7, 4 line that made the queen weep.

Lebron Snubs Ben Savage on Handshake

LeBron snubbed Cory Matthews after he attempted to get some post game love on Thursday night in Denver.  Miami ended up beating Denver 98-93 on the back of a monster 27, 7 and 12 night from The Queen.

Lebron better watch out... Shawn Hunter is liable to track him down and beat his ass.