Larry is an Idiot

Just piling on the Durant hate for no reason.

If you switch LeBron and Durant in their current situations, you are going to get the same results as we are going to see.  The Thunder with LeBron and sans Westbrook get knocked out in the Western Conference Finals and the Heat with Durant, Bosh and Wade win the title.  Period.  There is no arguing that.  The number of 38, 10 and 7 games isn't saving the LeBron lead Thunder.

Durant is doing a ridiculous job leading a team that literally has no other offensive options.  Shooting 12/16 while putting up 38 points, 8 boards and 6 assists while getting double and triple teamed on every possession is a feat.  LeBron won't see that kind of defense consistently throughout a game because then D. Wade or Christopher Bosh would put up a cool 50.  The Thunder without Westbrook and Harden have no one else with that capability.  Ibaka made that abundantly clear last night.

Very questionable no call on Asik's aggressive chest bump on Jackson...

DELFINO GO BOOM

Now that Westbrook the enforcer is gone, KSmoov and the bois are starting to look a little vulnerable...

I'll just leave this here...

MJ Marries Yvette Prieto

His Airness decided to give marriage another go round, tying the know with Yvette Prieto this weekend in an exclusive ceremony. The star-studded guest list included Spike Lee, Patrick Ewing, and Tiger Woods. You can probably guess who helped plan the bachelor party. Of course Club Bosh has the inside scoop on exactly what went down. Read on for some anonymous quotes from the wedding weekend:

"MJ smoked a stogie the entire ceremony. He blew smoke in the priest's face, and finally ended up putting his cigar out on ring-bearer's forehead. He told the kid 'You better hope that scar makes you famous.'"

"Jordan skipped the wedding photographs to play poker. He forced Pippen to stand in for him. I heard that he and Tiger were banging the catering staff in the kitchen during the photos."

"Michael showed up late for the wedding, getting straight off a private jet from Vegas with Tiger, Ewing, and Charles Barkley. Barkley skipped the ceremony, citing a financial matter that required his attention."

"Yvette can really take a punch, way better than Juanita ever could."

"Tiger was there without Lindsey Vonn. Apparently he left that Arayan bitch at home so he could reunite with a couple of his bottom bitches from the good ol' days. Heard she was in NYC comforting the newly unemployed Timmy Tebow. Probably giving that pussy a Jesus jerk or something."

"Jordan's sons missed the ceremony. I heard they were still in Vegas making bets for Pops. Now that's love."

"MJ is steady rocking that Hitler 'stache."

"Steve Kerr, Toni Kukoc, and Horace Grant all served as ushers. Jordan refused to acknowledge them, except for throwing a package of Ball Park Franks at Kerr."

Jason Collins: First Openly Gay Athlete in Major American Team Sport

First off, let me applaud Jason Collins for having the courage to announce to the world he is gay.  In my opinion, it's not the world's business if Jason Collins is gay or not, but that is neither here nor there.  Whether it's our business or not, I do understand the historical significance of this announcement and the club would not be doing its readers justice ignoring the topic.  Collins, although far from a superstar, is a great person to carry this torch.  He is a Stanford grad, has been in the league for 12 seasons, is personal friends with Slick Willy and Joe Kennedy III and is extremely well spoken as made evident in his article for Sports Illustrated which should make Skip Bayless scared for his job.  I'm excited to see what this announcement does for Kerry Rhodes.

Collins played this season for the Celtics before being traded to the Wizards where after the end of their 2013 campaign he became a free agent.  I'm sure there will be a whirlwind of media coverage focusing on teams signing or not signing him because of his sexual orientation.  I want to let it be known right now that if I were the GM of an NBA team, there is not a chance in hell I would sign Collins and that has nothing to do with him preferring the romantic company of men to women.  The dude straight up can't play.  He averaged a robust 0.7 points and 1.3 boards while in Washington while playing 9 minutes a game and racking up 2 fouls.  His CAREER year came with the Nets in 2004 where he averaged Barkley like numbers of 6 points and 6 boards a game.  On the court, the guy offers about as much as Wilt Chamberlain (at present time).  From this announcement, it's clear Collins has the ability to lead, but I am guessing he is going to be leading somewhere away from the hardwood in 2014.  Regardless, Jason, you ever want to get a little tipsy, the velvet rope in the club will be lifted for the rest of your life.

The Revenge of Bogut and Saint Steph's Scoring Spree

Last night the second goofiest big man in the league got his revenge on JaVale from a game one dunk that left JaVale attempting to pull a Ron Ron.  It was hard.  It was loud.  It was proud.

The Warriors now have a commanding, and surprising, 3-1 lead over the Nuggets and the series looks as good as over. Steph Curry was once again miraculous scoring 22 points over a 5 minute 20 second stretch in the 3rd quarter to lock up the 115-101 Warriors' win.  Let's not forget they are doing this without their only All-Star, David Lee.

I know it's early in his career and I know his ankles are made of glass, but watching Steph Curry this season and this postseason makes me fairly certain we are watching someone who will go down as the greatest pure shooter of all time.

Knicks Smack Celtics

3-0 'bockers. It's over for beantown.

Awesome Flagrant-2 by JR Smith. I will never get sick of seeing Jason Terry get bitched up.

Westbrook has knee surgery, no timetable for return

Sad that Westbrook is going to get injured on a play where he is clearly headed towards his bench to call a timeout.  As Chuck said during the halftime show, "He should've slapped him upside the head."  He ended up tearing his meniscus and still played the rest of the game while racking up 29 points.  Hopefully he can pull a Ron Ron and be back for the finals that all of us NEED.

For the time being, let's see if Durant can carry a team single handedly.  My guess is he averages 40+ a game.

ESPN has impeccable design sensibility

Only reason ESPN did this was so all the pictures would match and everything would be symmetrical.  This IS NOT the way the actual MVP voting is going to go.

Credit: New Beantown Butt Boy

Z-Bo Feeling Touchy Feely

Z-Bo went Yahtzee last night for 27 points and 11 boards while leading the Grizzlies to their first win of the series in a classic Memphis 94-82 grinder.  The highlight of the night came after that pansy, Matt Barnes, dished our a hard foul on Z-Bo, who normally ain't bluffin', but last night decided to take it easy on little Barnesy with a hug and a pound.  Notorious tough guy, Chris Paul, tried to start shit after Z-Bo approached Barnes, but Z-Bo could not hear his shit talk while he stood behind his 4 teammates.

Poor Kris Humphries

The Bulls defeated the BKNets 79-76 last night, in what will surely go down as one of the ugliest games of playoff basketball ever (At one point the Nets missed 25 of 26 shots).  Midway through the second quarter, Taj Gibson emasculated Kris Humphries in a way that will haunt him for weeks.  Dude just can't catch a break.

Kent Bazemore sweats Harrison Barnes

Yikes.  Harrison Barnes needs to be in the dunk competition in 2014.  No excuses.  Probably the most exciting dunker in the league this year.  I am officially starting the petition today.  Part of that petition will include Kent Bazemore's attendance to celebrate each one of Barnes' makes.

As soon as David Lee went down the entire NBA community said the Warriors were done... so what did Mark Jackson do?  He started 3, small guards, a small forward and a center and said shoot them out of the building.  The result?  A 131-117 Warriors win and the combo of Curry/Thompson/Jack/Barnes going 40/63 with most of those makes coming on jumpers.  If those guys stay hot, Denver is cooked.

Jamal Crawford can dribble better than you

Fresh off being denied the 6th Man of the Year award to JR, Jamal Crawford came out to put on a show against the Grizz.  Absurd handle.  Routinely putting the Grizzlies on skates before raining jumpers, to the tune of 10 straight points in the first half.  Crawford proved there was a reason he was the favorite for this award for a long portion of the season.




His display got overshadowed by CP3s game winning heroics, and rightfully so.  Look at this picture:

 

You should not be making shots, let alone game winning shots, like that.  Should be interesting to see how Memphis responds at home down 0-2.

???

Adventures of Christopher Bosh in the Multiverse! from Borscht Corp. on Vimeo.
http://alllifeisreal.com/

Top Ten Dunks of the Year

BREAKING NEWS: Mr. T suing Russ Russ for allegedly stealing "look"

Sources inside the OKC locker room are reporting heavy tension between OKC's two stars due to an unneeded distraction caused by Russ Russ's fashion statement following last night's 120-91 piping of former teammates Smooth J and Jeremiah.

Donning a stylish turtleneck/cut off sweater combo, some clear framed and of course lens-less glasses and a thick gold chain, Russ Russ took the podium last night to discuss his near triple-double (19-8-10) while debuting what we can all expect when it comes to his playoff fashion for 2013.

 

The whole look appeared to pay homage to Mr. T, but when reached for comment, Mr. T only had this to say, "I have spoken to Kevin about [Russell's fashion] and it will not happen again."


After further investigative reporting by the team here at Club Bosh, we have confirmed that K Smooth and Mr. T have a close relationship and Russ Russ did not reach out to Mr. T for permission prior to taking to the presser sporting his patented look.  Sources have confirmed that even before Russ Russ emerged from the locker room, K Smooth requested that he change his outfit for fear of conflict with Mr. T, but Russ Russ refused.

Story developing...

(UPDATE: Sources close to the Club have also confirmed that the "friend" who suggested K Smooth's "kill 'em and pray for 'em" gesture was actually Mr. T.  Club Bosh doing ya once again.)

DO NOT ANGER LEBRON

 

 

 

Can you imagine seeing LeBron look at you like that on the basketball court while you're between him and the basket?  Jesus Christmas.  He's fun to watch when he realizes he can do anything he wants on the court and nobody can stop him.

LBJ Loses Bet, Forced To Model New Club Bosh Line

According to sources inside the locker room, Lebron's Sager-esque sweater last night was the result of a bet won by none other than Da Club's namesake.

An anonymous source close to the situation stated that Lebron bet Bosh that he would shoot 100% on field goals.  James posted a disappointing 9 of 11 from the field, to go along with 10 boards and eight dimes. As a result, he was forced to wear a sweater from the new Club Bosh line, which will be in the hottest South Beach retailers this spring. In other news, this:

Carmelo Anthony Is A Chechen Sympathizer

Suck it, Beantown.

2013 Postseason

The 2013 playoff matchups.. shooooey.

Harden against his old squad and besties RussRuss & KD? 
Knickerbockers v. Celtics rivalry in the first round?!
Spurs v. Lakers already.. are you kidding me?
Nuggies v. Warriors... if you dont score 100+ in a game dont bother showing up.

The Western Conference has FIVE teams with 55+ wins. That's just silly. Makes predicting the West pretty damn difficult for us bloggers. But here are my guesses anyway, for what it's worth...

FIRST ROUND: 
Thunder over Rockets in 5.
Grizzlies over LAC in 7.
Spurs over LAL in 6.
Nuggets over GSW in 6.

Heat over Bucks in 4.
Nets over Bulls in 6.
Knicks over Celtics in 7.
Pacers over Hawks in 5.


SECOND ROUND:
Thunder over Griz in 6.
Spurs over Nuggets in 6.

Heat over Nets in 4.
Knicks over Pacers in 5.

CONFERENCE FINALS:
Thunder over Spurs in 5.
Heat over Knicks in 5.

NBA FINALS:
Miami Heat over OKC Thunder. 5 games. Book it.

Playz by da Bay

The Club ain't dead yet, y'all!  Just had to do some quick remodeling.  Here come the Warriors, helping to keep us alive through the doldrums of these meaningless end of season games. 

First, Harrison Barnes takes his and takes Aron Baynes' too (Note the dude at 0:14.  What the fuck was that?):



Then Steph Curry twists Gary Neal into a pretzel EWWW

"Kill 'em and pray for 'em after the game."

On the subject of free throws

An interesting stat made the rounds today: Dwight Howard has missed as many free throws (332) this season, as Steve Nash has in his ENTIRE 17-year career.  Howard is coming in this season at 314-for-646, a balmy 49%, which is dead last among qualified players.  That is down from his career average of 57%.

Nash, on the other hand, is a 90.4% career free throw shooter, the best in history.  So maybe not the most fair comparison.  Nevertheless, still ridiculous to think about.  All that money, and you can't even count on him to make free throws.  A franchise cornerstone who is a liability at the end of close games.  Wild. 

 

Sad, sad day for the Club

 
Club namesake Chris Bosh was out in the club last night celebrating his 29th birthday. While poppin' bottles in the VIP, some criminals took it upon themselves to rob his crib and steal $340k worth of goods. These crooks must have been in the know, and calculated their crime when Bosh would be out da crib. Sucks. At least Bosh got to have a good time up in the club, and even celebrated with one of the most absurd birthday cakes I have ever seen.

Tough break, Chris. At least the party in the Club was epic.. as always.

Griner in the NBA...

As the Mavs most likely lost out on their playoffs hopes last night in a loss to the Lakers, Cuban was busy fielding some draft questions.  Always the firestarter, Cubes went so far as to say he'd draft Baylor women's player Brittney Griner and give her a shot to make the team.  Obviously, this is for a little headline grabbing, as MC is known to do.  He even admits to the big marketing potential of Griner in the summer league, saying "It would, wouldn't it? See how she could do?" Cuban said. "That'd sell out a few games."

So, if it's happens, it's clearly a publicity stunt.  Because I don't think there is anyone in the world who thinks Brittney Griner, for all her NCAA womens hoops domination and 5 career dunks, could play in the NBA.  Not a knock on Griner by any means, but it's just not happening.  6'8 208lbs, playing as a big (wo)man.  Shit, she doesn't weigh that much more than me, a scrawny 6'0 white guy.  Imagine seeing ZBo post her up, LeBron guard her, or Durant driving down the lane towards her for a thunderdunk.  Shit, just imagine anyone in the NBA playing against her compared to the competition she's faced.

 

 

Cubes, do whatever you gotta do to make that money.  But don't expect to see Brittney Griner anywhere close to the NBA.

 

Encore, Bosh! Encoreeeeee

It feels Bosh's mouth might turn into a black hole at any second and destroy us all

POPPIN' BOTTLEZ 2NITE!

Ya boi, ya man, ya friend, Da Bostrich just hit the game winning trey in San Antonio!
We gon' tear da club up tonight! Open bar, errrbody gon' be #UPINDACLUB (except for those tired-ass pussies and Pepe Le Parker)! BOSH HIT THE GAME WINNER! POP A MOLLY AND HIT DA CLUB!